A small thought

We owe nothing more to anyone other than love, kindness and acceptance.

You can do it too

I think I need to watch this every morning before I get going for the day.



 I used to quote Rob Schneider saying this all the time, to Brent, just to bug him, after I saw whatever Adam Sandler movie this was originally from. Ah, memories.

Only One Opinion

So I keep debating whether I should go here or not. In 2008 I was fired up and passionate about my political beliefs. Now, they are there but I haven't gone into them a lot because I've been there, done that a hundred times and I'm just tired of it now. I'm bored with explaining. But maybe it's time to give it a go one more time. This election has really rattled some people, to say the least. I think for the LDS people anyway, their conservative political beliefs were there (for conservative Mormons anyway) and on top of that was the shining hope of something special and unique in their eyes. Something that could have been a game changer. The within-hands-reach-possibility of a Mormon being president. I can imagine how exciting that could be. However, I didn't share that hope with them because I am not a conservative and I don't believe God finds us any more special that anyone else. That's just my feelings on it, maybe not yours.

So they were understandably saddened, disheartened, disappointed and, in some cases, horrified at the loss of Mitt Romney. Or , rather, the win of Barack Obama. I understand that. In 2000, I sat in disbelief and disappointment when George W. Bush became president. I was just coming into my realization that I leaned Democrat at the time and I wasn't in awe of Al Gore, but environmental concerns were on my mind. I still wonder where our fuel efficiency standards would be now if he had become president. Where our dependency on foreign fuel would be and how much alternative energy we would be using. then when GWB was re-elected, well after the fiasco of the Iraq war and the debacle over WMDs I was sorely disappointed. I admit I cried just a little. I hated that he was going to be president for another four years. So I get the pain conservatives are going through. On the other hand, those who are glued to Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck should probably take a step back and get some perspective. Rush Limbaugh is a man filled with hate. I don't know how anyone can say otherwise. Glenn Beck has a messiah complex. Sorry, but I really believe it is true.

So conservatives are in pain. I don't agree with it, of course. Mitt Romney is a swell guy and all, good family man, good at making wads of cash, nice hair. But he isn't what I wanted in a president. President Obama, on the other hand, he's not the antichrist. He is really no more liberal than Bill Clinton was. To me he seems like a good person and I trust him more with the reigns than I trusted Mitt Romney. All of this is really just one person's opinion, so don't worry about it too much. I know you're not worried about it. I mean the only reason I'm even writing this is because my blog doesn't get much traffic these days. I kind of like that. I know there are a couple of readers here and there but not enough for my blog to actually make a stir. So I can write this without getting all confrontational.

Anyway, now I'm going to discuss why I voted for President Obama. What is important to me? Not enough has been done to protect the environment. It is a big concern to me because I want a nice home for my children when they grow up. Environmental issues are important to me. Reducing greenhouse emissions is important to me. Finding clean, alternatives to coal and oil is important to me. I can't say Obama has done a ton on this front but a little is happening. Fuel efficiency standards have been raised. Alternative energy sources are getting more attention. It's not enough but it's something. The truth is, democrats have the record for supporting environmental issues and republicans don't so much. So I'm hopeful more will be done this term.

I feel safer with Obama as president. Romney did not seem very good with foreign policy to me. He seemed a little too keen on the idea of jumping into another war. The few examples of him dealing with diplomatic matters did not seem to go well. I trust Obama more to be diplomatic and to work to find peace without war. It's a good thing that our reputation as a respected country has gone up with Obama as president.

I believe in a social safety net. No, I am not on welfare. I have never used any of the traditional social programs to help with my personal needs. Things like welfare, food stamps, WIC,  and government sponsored student loans. I've never used any of them but I'm glad they have been there for those who need them. Someday my kids will be grown and the truth is I can't afford to pay for much of their college education. Scholarships would be welcomed of course, but if they don't happen or don't happen enough, I still want my kids to get an education. I believe they have a right to an education and a low interest rate loan would be welcomed. It's not my job to judge those who have come on hard times. I believe most who have come on hard times did not do this out of laziness. Life is hard and sucks sometimes and there is a heck of a lot of difference between the likelihood of success for someone who is born in a stable, upper middle class family and someone born to a single mom who is doing drugs and is absent a lot of the time because of work or neglect or whatever. I've seen children who come from homes like this. They become adults and it is like they are at the starting line of a race with a heavy weight strapped to their shoulders. It is so much harder for them to get it together and to figure out how to be adults, how to take care of themselves, and sometimes, how to keep from dragging other little ones into the messiness of their lives. Sometimes they fail and they need help getting back up. Sometimes the only source of support they have is the overworked, public school teacher who takes times to help them as children. That is just one example of hardship. There are so many more out there and not enough charities and kindhearted people out there to help those in need.

I've read about how the government shouldn't help because this takes away the opportunity for others to serve. Okay, if I am homeless and disease ridden, it is not my job to be a vessel for your good deed points. Charity and kindness are wonderful, important things, but people aren't hurting just so you can feel good about yourself. (Sorry, but that point really sticks in my side a little.) To me that just makes it sound as if someone is suffering just so another can get the reward of serving them. We need charity, but we also need government safety nets to help when there is not enough. People DO die because they don't have healthcare. They DO lose their homes because of the hardship of medical bills. Things aren't ever going to be perfect, but the government can help. The government is THE PEOPLE after all.

So, abortion. Not my favorite subject. I hate abortion and wish it didn't exist. But I cannot tell a woman who is deciding between her own life and an embryo what she should do. I've never been in that position so I can't make a judgement on that. I can't tell the rape victim what to do if she should become pregnant. This is what I do believe: the best way to prevent abortions is to keep unwanted pregnancies from happening in the first place. It's all fine and good to say, well they shouldn't have had sex. But you know what, they are going to have sex (speaking in general terms here) and I'd rather they had education and birth control than an innocent child be aborted or be born to a woman who has no safety net. Especially when those who oppose abortion also oppose helping that child after he or she is born. Not to mention that birth control also prevents unwanted pregnancies in impoverished families headed by a husband and a wife. It isn't just people having sex out of wedlock. Here's a study too: http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/10/05/966121/obamacare-birth-control-abortion/ .

Oh yeah, the economy. It's improving a little here and there. It needs to improve more, of course. I believe the president has done some good and tried to do more but has been blocked by congress all along the way (the jobs act). People say the housing market will never get back to where it was. Well I don't believe house prices were ever supposed to be as high as they were. A person who would buy my house in my neighborhood shouldn't have to pay $250,000 for my house. My house might have sold for that much in 2005 or somewhere around that. That is nearly $100,000 more than what we paid for it four years earlier. Did wages go up enough to justify this? No. House prices never should have been as high as they were, there wasn't enough money out there to make the payments to support this.

So, there you go. My beliefs as a person who believes in God and Jesus Christ. My spiritual beliefs do inform my views. I'm not looking to change any minds. These are just my views. To be honest, I'd be surprised if anyone actually made it through reading this whole thing.

Oh, and here is a good blog post that deals with the worries about the president bringing on the apocalypse and all of that fun stuff: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2012/11/sorry-to-kill-your-apocalyptic-election-buzz/

Halloween 2012

A new plan, again.

Well, it's time for another go at dropping a few pounds. Yeah, I know, I try and it works out for a while and then I give up and go back to my evil ways. Oh well, keep trying, right? (Incidentally, I think my writing and grammar have gone way down hill as of late.) So what is my plan this time? I've got this workout calendar in the family room where I exercise. I put an "X" through each day I workout and write down what I did. Doing this I am often able to get in five or more workouts per week. Sure, sometimes only two or three, but frequently more. Seeing all the Xes really encourages me to get those workouts in. (Is that how you spell the plural of X? I dunno.) I thought maybe the same could apply to eating healthy. So I made another calendar, this one just for eating good. I put an "X" on each day I eat healthy, which mainly mean no junk food. Today will be day five.
Now, I have no plans to live in a state of complete denial but hopefully this will help me rack up a bunch of good days and make a good habit. I'm already planning a few cheat days: election party on Tuesday, Brent's birthday a few days later, then Thanksgiving is coming up, of course. My plan is to weigh in every ten "good" days. Starting day was Monday (I think) and I weighed in at 175 lbs. Don't mock me. I'm 5'9" so it could be better but I'm not exactly outrageously huge or anything. So, here goes again.

Starting weight: 10/29/12-175 lbs

A Whole Bunch of Halloween Pictures (except for those years that apparently weren't scanned, pre digital camera, I must find those...)

Isabella's first Halloween- 1998 (with Grandma Cathy)

Isabella and cousin Lauren-1999

Isabella and Zoe- 2000

Isabella, Zoe and Noah-2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

Adding To My Vegetarian Collection

It seems that every time I post a picture of a meal I've made it's a vegetarian meal. That's because I want to be a vegetarian and they usually turn out to be fairly healthy meals. I think I could, without too much trouble, at least get to the point where we are eating vegetarian five days a week. That would be great and it would still leave room for the special occasion meals that have meat, like the turkey for Thanksgiving and the chicken salad sandwiches at Christmas. Ideally, I'd love to be vegan and all that. It's too hard with the gluten free thing though. Isabella has so much she already can't eat. I don't think it would be fair, realistic or maybe even healthy (I don't know) to eat vegan too.

The vegetarian thing for me, it isn't a new advent of the last few years. It's been around for decades.If someone thought, "What happened to her? She's become such a liberal type in so many ways." I'd have to respond, no, I haven't been taken over by liberal hippie types, I've been like this for decades. When I was 18 I was attending community college in Mesa, Arizona. In my public speaking class I gave a speech on vivisection (animal testing). I poured over articles on the microfiche on the subject (haha, microfiche!) In my English class I wrote a paper on the evils of fur. We had to give ideas for subjects for our papers in class and I think I actually raised my hand and suggested "Meat is Murder". Haha, again. (I was a little too influenced by the idea of The Smiths. Not The Smiths music itself though, I'd never really listened to them, just heard of them.)

I don't know where I came up with these ideas, it was all pretty much organic though. Most of the people I knew at the time were Mormons and the idea certainly didn't come from them, I was chastised by a couple of them when practicing my vivisection speech on them at the LDS Institute (place for Mormon religion classes). I don't think I was totally convinced myself of the animal rights thing, I was definitely fascinated by it though and could see nothing wrong with it. As far as I was concerned, you were supposed to be all idealistic about things in college. I wanted to become a vegetarian but my mom cooked all of my dinners at the time and I couldn't expect her to do it for me and Chuck, my stepdad, would never have gone for it. At BYU I wrote a paper for biology called "The Elephants Demise". I remember my roommate MaryAnn (may she rest in peace) laughing at how dramatic the title sounded.

When the girls were little Brent and I both wanted to give it a try. Brent a little more than me at the time. I got a bunch of cookbooks, experimented a little but I didn't cook well enough at the time to make it fly. I have always incorporated quite a few meatless meals into our diets though. When Isabella wasn't growing, before she was diagnosed with celiac disease, I worried a little that my vegetarian meals might be the reason for her issues, scanty as those vegetarian meals were. So now I know that wasn't the problem. I keep experimenting, finding more and more dishes. Most of the dishes I come up with are pretty healthy and have a lot of whole foods in them. They are tasty and you just feel better when you are done eating. I swear, the fact that they are colorful and pretty and look healthy make it a much more pleasant dining experience too.

I guess I figure if I get enough meals on here in photographs, I'll have enough to make it easy to do. No fuss, no muss.

Pasta primavera with spaghetti, veggies and provolone cheese, sauteed with olive oil, garlic and rosemary.

Vegetable soup (potatoes, zucchini, spinach, celery, tomatoes and carrots from the garden, garbanzo beans, garlic, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning), spinach salad, and pumpkin muffins.

The Road to Unsucsessful

I grew up just north of white trash. I don't mean some family down the road to the south. Metaphorically. We had a clean house pretty much all the time but we had a lot of dysfunction and problems. I did know my mom loved me. I did know my dad was fine with me. But I didn't know what success looked like. I tried. I got involved in high school. I did track and cross country. At church I didn't mind the talks about modesty and marriage. I was pretty sure there was about a 70% chance I would never get married but I didn't mind the talk about it. It was kind of weird when I first heard my friends tell me the names of all their future children. But it didn't really bother me. The lessons that bothered me were about talents. I didn't know God expected me to be talented. I was not talented, I had zero talents. I was clumsy, I was bad at math, I made stupid mistakes all the time and I would look around and pray that no one saw me making my stupid mistakes.

So I joined the runners. I wasn't good at it but I could put one foot in front of the other and try to move quickly through the course. It was enough to help me feel a little successful. I worked hard in school and joined the honors classes where I helped the kid next to me know he wasn't at the bottom of the class. I did well enough there and earned a tiny scholarship to a tiny school in the middle of nowhere. In the end I didn't use it because I had no money to pay for anything else. So I went to the community college and did okay and transferred to BYU after a year and didn't do okay. It was all right, BYU wasn't really the place for me anyway. I still didn't have any talents. I remember a sort of date I went on where the guy asked me what my talents were. You get the weirdest line of questions from guys at BYU. They need to know right then if you are worth a second date. No time to waste. No flirting for a while with someone you are attracted to and then going out with them. I'm sure it happened, I just didn't see it.

I left BYU with my tail tucked between my legs and went back to community college part time and work full time. There, I did flirt with a guy until we knew we wanted to be together and then we were together for the next 21 years. With a lot of stuff in between and a lot of stuff in the future too, hopefully. But I had my okay, full time job. Unskilled labor that paid the bills. I made enough to live with a roommate, though I didn't do that long. I'd tell people what I did and they would say, "You need to get a life." For real on an internet chat board, in their eyes and tone in person. In my head I was saying things along the lines of how I wasn't a success. I didn't finish college. I didn't have money and my parents would not fill out the financial aid paperwork. I didn't want to go into debt anyway. I'd seen the nightmare that debt can become. We moved about fifteen times when I was growing up. There was a reason for that.

I did get married and I didn't have debt. I had an okay job but no one admired me for my job. But what did that matter? I stayed in school part time. I wanted to go full time and finish. I still hadn't found what I was good at though. More than that though, I wanted to be a mom. That time in life hit. That time where all the voices in your head go silent and what you want more than anything else is to be a mom. So I became a mom. Three times. And I gave up my okay job to be a mom full time. My husband worked hard so I could do that and I still believe it was mostly a good idea for my kids. My kids were most important. But I kept remembering how I didn't graduate. I didn't ever get a real, grownup job. I was conflicted. I got a house and decorated it and fixed it up pretty nice. People admired my skill in interior design. Was it a talent?  I started a blog and I could write okay. It made me feel pretty good. Maybe I had something to offer. *Disclosure: when a stay at home mom says she wanted to have something to offer the world she isn't putting down her role as a mom. She knows being a mom is important. I am a mom but I am something else too. I think we all have multiple roles in life and lacking in one doesn't mean you regret the other.*

Back to the blog. I felt I might be good at something. It was a confidence booster. It got me thinking. Thinking about something that I always came back to. I should go back to school. Noah was in kindergarten so I thought it was time. I applied and got in and started in the fall, part time. I loved school but I was still scared. Always scared about something. Was my major right? Would I be able to go full time eventually. The money. Etc, etc. Those were just the small thoughts. Then the bigger obstacles came and I came to a halt. It wasn't going well. I dropped my classes the third semester. I had reasons, some were real, some were excuses. I came to the conclusion that I should go another direction. So I switched to a technical school. I enjoyed it. It wasn't too hard sometimes, and sometimes it was really hard. I'm a bumbler. I'm low on confidence. Hands on stuff doesn't always come easy to me. Sometimes I just want something to come easy to me.

When summer came I changed my hours and then stopped all together. Again, I was running out of steam. Though that isn't why I stopped. I'll be back around the end of the month though. I have to finish but I have a hard time seeing myself finished and actually getting a job. I'm a serial failer and I always wonder if I always will be. But I'm not giving up yet.

So now I have a teenager and I will have two teenagers in another month and a half. I can't separate my feelings for myself from my feelings for them. I've been a horrible example of success. I've been an okay mom, sometimes pretty good and other times pretty bad. Overall I'd say I'm a pretty good mom. But now that they are teenagers- oh the anxiety. Soon I will have to turn them out into the world. How can I believe they can be successful if I have been such a horrible example of success? How do I know they will be okay? They are their own people, they are not me, I know that. Am I vain to believe my own actions will shape their future? I do believe in them. They are smart, brave, beautiful girls with challenges of their own and so much to offer too. But have I given them a foundation so they can find success? I don't know. I've tried to give them opportunities within the bounds of our budget. I constantly feel like I could have done more though. I need to NOT tie them to my own issues. Let them be their own people. I need time to learn this teenager thing. It took time to get every other stage of their growing up down too, so I should believe I can do this. It feels different this time though. It's the finish line for their childhood. My finish line for raising them. I will always be their mom but when they finish high school their choices will become their own. I know all parents worry about their kids but why do I not hear about the things they worry about? I know they are worrying about drugs and sex and the typical teenage pitfalls. Am I alone in my worries? Why do I continue to enter this state of crippling anxiety when everyone else seems to be getting by fine? I know I worry too much, I always have. I need to relax and just love and support them, this I know. I just don't want to screw it up and ruin them. I want them to be better than me. I need to breathe. Breathe.

To The Dumb People

I've come to a conclusion after so many years on this planet. Something I've always been afraid of but have just kept from admitting even to myself. I'm dumb. Now I know, nobody likes self deprecation. I don't mean it that way. I think The Dumb may need a voice and I may be just the person to be the voice of The Dumb. Who better than a dumb person herself. How do I know I'm dumb? My first clue should have been that I planted an aspen tree in my front yard. Well not my first clue really because if I'm honest, I have suspected for years. But back to the tree. An aspen tree is a very pretty tree but it shoots up little trees all over your yard and you constantly need to cut the little suckers down unless you want a forest in your front yard. We were warned this would happen but we planted it anyway. Maybe I should have let the forest grow though. I'd have the only one in the neighborhood.

But now you are thinking, Wait Cindy, didn't you just write a blog post on how you like President Obama because of such and such reasons, despite the fact that most of your community disagrees with you? Maybe they disagree because they are smart and you are dumb?! Now I've thought that through already. There are lots of smart democrats/liberals out there: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Noam Chomsky. Okay, I don't really know who Noam Chomsky is. But it sounds like the name of a smart, liberal man. On the conservative side that George Will seems like a pretty sharp guy. There are lots of rednecks though who don't seem like geniuses, so it goes both ways. You can be smart or dumb and it doesn't determine your political ideology so much.

So anyway, back to being dumb. School's hard. I do well on the tests but it's set up in a way where you can do that but not really absorb the knowledge in a sustainable way too much. I'm awkward and mistake ridden and lacking in confidence. I read at a snail's pace. All possible symptoms. Why would I want to admit this to the world? You really do have to be honest with yourself at a certain point. And those two people reading your blog, well they appreciate honesty too, I'm sure. I shouldn't have married. Shouldn't have had kids. I think my kids have a fighting chance still, their dad is smart after all. But maybe it would have been better to let the cycle of dumbness die with me. Survival of the fittest my DNA out of the system, so to speak.

There are lots of dumb people out there. We recognize each other I think. Maybe. I may be too dumb to say for sure. But we should be able to support each other. There should be some sort of Dummies Anonymous. Maybe I can start a group on facebook. A private group where we can lament the fact that we use our fingers to add, can't figure out the proper use of whom, and can't tell if Frodo belongs with Lord of The Rings and Fredo belongs with The Godfather or vice versa. (Maybe that one's just me.)

Why?

"You know, there's a lot of talk in this country about the federal deficit. But I think we should talk more about our empathy deficit - the ability to put ourselves in someone else's shoes; to see the world through the eyes of those who are different from us - the child who's hungry, the steelworker who's been laid-off, the family who lost the entire life they built together when the storm came to town. When you think like this - when you choose to broaden your ambit of concern and empathize with the plight of others, whether they are close friends or distant strangers - it becomes harder not to act; harder not to help."

— Barack Obama

My community is full of conservatives who don't get why I am a liberal. Maybe not me specifically, but anyone, really. Why I like our president. This quote pretty much sums it up. Whenever I post something like this, usually on facebook, which I usually regret later, I hear the naysayers in the back of my head. They have an answer for everything. They say, "But we care about the poor and the hungry too. When you force us to help others you take away our free agency. (It's Satan's plan.)" Yes, that's what the conservative voices in my head say. What, you don't have conservative voices in your head? I hear them because that is always the answer I hear or read. But I don't agree with it. I do agree that we should all help those who are less fortunate on our own where we can. But it isn't enough. There aren't enough charity organizations to help all of those uninsured people who get struck down by a disease that costs them thousands of dollars in treatment and causes them to lose their jobs. There aren't enough charitable accounts set up at banks or enough fundraising dinners to cover it all. There aren't enough anonymous donors to help everyone. I don't think it is stealing, I think we have an opportunity to make our society a better place where we all work together in the most expansive way possible to help the most people. No, it's not perfect. There is still a lot of wasted money and bureaucracy that doesn't always get it right but it is the best way we have to help the most people. I do not believe God has a problem with that and I like having a president who understands the problems of the less fortunate, is willing to fight for them and really knows empathy. That is a good thing in my opinion.

 

Psycho Blog

Okay, so if you ever visit my blog shortly after I do an new entry (or 4 or 5) and you see multiple copies of the same pictures in super giant size, there is a reason for this besides I am really bad at this. I probably am really bad at this but there is another reason too. I usually blog on my computer and when I do, the pictures don't always show up so I keep putting them on until they do. I can't see all the weird stuff until later when I go on my laptop and see crazy, giant pictures and sometimes four or five copies of the same giant picture. The pictures are all there, I just can't see them. I can't tell you why this happens but I eventually fix it. Unfortunately, sometimes it is after half a dozen people have stopped by my blog, which may explain why they stuck around in the first place. Hmm.

Biking and Shopping, Shopping and Biking

A few months ago we finally got a grocery store in our town. Now we could shop without driving for ten minutes. I know, that isn't really too far but it is so nice to have a store where we can quickly pick up a few items. For years I've been hoping for the day we would have a grocery store and I could get on my bike when the weather is nice and go shopping. It was a simple dream but simple dreams can be pretty great. So for my birthday Brent got me a cargo trailer and today was the inaugural run!

I love this thing already!

Eating Clean!

So I was watching all of these documentaries a while back that were all about eating clean and healing your body through eating really healthy food. It inspired me! Mostly because I really love crap like that. I should have been some sort of dietician sociologist. Does that exist? So I was trying to eat clean too. I took a bunch of pictures to inspire me to keep eating clean. No, I don't eat great everyday but more often and I've been working out really regularly. I'm starting to see some results and I really do feel much healthier. So I know you want to see all of my pictures of my food, right? Right????

Purple smoothie: Strawberries, blueberries, flax seed, greek yogurt, kale.

Salad and cottage cheese.

Veggie pizza and fruit!

Green Smoothie! Spinach, pineapple, mango, greek yogurt and flax seed.

Salad and spagetti with squash, broccoli, kidney beans and mozzarella cheese.

Beans and rice, zucchini and fruit.

Tostada and cantaloupe!

Quinoa salad, strawberries and green beans.

Salad with a bunch of veggies, eggs, and chick peas. With vinaigrette.

May Days

May has been busy! The end of the school year always is. Zoe graduated from elementary school. Isabella finished Jr High and is on her way to freshman year in high school! Noah finished third grade and made it on the competition soccer team. Which apparently means soccer 24/7 around here.

There was the mini marathon for Zoe and Noah at school, Zoe took 4th place in the 6th grade. We went hiking for my birthday-it was planned to be a little hour long hike or somewhere around that. Instead we ran into this trail to Lake Blanche up Big Cottonwood Canyon that was 5.6 miles round trip. We ended up hiking for 4 1/2 hours! Almost all of it up hill. Brent and I were sore for the whole next week almost. It was a great accomplishment though.

Zoe and her friends on their way to Dare Lagoon Day.

 Zoe and her BFF at 6th grade graduation. She gave one of the speeches! We are so proud of how hard she works in school!

Zoe and teacher, Mrs Fajardo.

Arches!

We spent part of Spring Break in April at Arches National Park and Moab. It was lots of fun! We saw the Delicate Arch and went on a little Colorado River run (cold!), hiked a lot, climbed a lot of stuff and spent some time at the pool (it had a water slide, the kids' favorite part!) We even found a couple of restaurants that had gluten free dishes. Polenta lasagna, yum!