Oh jeez. A year and a half ago I went back to work. Right before that I sarted taking fluoxetine (prozac). I've always had issues with depression and anxiety, though I've always thought I had a pretty good life. Sometimes you can't help what you feel though. And I've had terrible mood swings. I was so freaked out by anxiety about trying to go back to work and depressed that I wouldn't get a job (I was totally blowing things out of proportion) that I started taking the "crazy" pills. I really did feel kind of crazy at times. They helped sooooo much! I think there is a very good chance I would have been fired without them. Because my anxiety really messes with my confidence and I would have done a poor job because of it. I would have at least been a crying mess. But a side effect of the pills is weight gain. It's also a side effect of being 44 and being a junk food addict. So I've gained about twenty five pounds and I'd already been steadily gaining over the past few years. not anything close to that rate though. I try and try again to lose weight. To kick the junk habit. There's been a lot of failure in that arena though. So I'm going to try again. This time I'm going in phases, because my all or nothing mentality doesn't work.
Phase 1 will be for the month of September. Starting tomorrow, of course. It goes like this:
Eat healthy all day, as much as you want/need. At night you can have a bowl of the slow churned ice cream (1 cup). On the weekends you can have a little dark chocolate. Just do this until the 1st of October, then move on to phase 2 (yet to be determined).
The reasons I am doing this is because I look bad, but mostly, I feel terrible a lot. I've never been this heavy without being pregnant and it is hard(er) to go up stairs. I'm out of breath constantly. I need to get back to healthy and exercise alone isn't going to cut it. (I will do that too. I already was, off and on.)
Now I will post super unflattering pictures of myself. They are already on facebook anyway, so whatever. The best wake up call pictures I can find without stripping down to the yoga capris and the Down East undershirt and taking a selfie. 'Cause I'm not in the mood to do that. I'll check in once a week, or whenever I feel like it. Join me if you like.
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| Yes, that's me with Howard Jones, and cousin in law, Heather. We met him after the concert last night. |
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| 199.5 lbs. Oh dear. |
