I'm on a diet, or something

Oh jeez. A year and a half ago I went back to work. Right before that I sarted taking fluoxetine (prozac). I've always had issues with depression and anxiety, though I've always thought I had a pretty good life. Sometimes you can't help what you feel though. And I've had terrible mood swings. I was so freaked out by anxiety about trying to go back to work and depressed that I wouldn't get a job (I was totally blowing things out of proportion) that I started taking the "crazy" pills. I really did feel kind of crazy at times. They helped sooooo much! I think there is a very good chance I would have been fired without them. Because my anxiety really messes with my confidence and I would have done a poor job because of it. I would have at least been a crying mess. But a side effect of the pills is weight gain. It's also a side effect of being 44 and being a junk food addict. So I've gained about twenty five pounds and I'd already been steadily gaining over the past few years. not anything close to that rate though. I try and try again to lose weight. To kick the junk habit. There's been a lot of failure in that arena though. So I'm going to try again. This time I'm going in phases, because my all or nothing mentality doesn't work.

Phase 1 will be for the month of September. Starting tomorrow, of course. It goes like this:
Eat healthy all day, as much as you want/need. At night you can have a bowl of the slow churned ice cream (1 cup). On the weekends you can have a little dark chocolate. Just do this until the 1st of October, then move on to phase 2 (yet to be determined).

The reasons I am doing this is because I look bad, but mostly, I feel terrible a lot. I've never been this heavy without being pregnant and it is hard(er) to go up stairs. I'm out of breath constantly. I need to get back to healthy and exercise alone isn't going to cut it. (I will do that too. I already was, off and on.)
Now I will post super unflattering pictures of myself. They are already on facebook anyway, so whatever. The best wake up call pictures I can find without stripping down to the yoga capris and the Down East undershirt and taking a selfie. 'Cause I'm not in the mood to do that. I'll check in once a week, or whenever I feel like it. Join me if you like.

Yes, that's me with Howard Jones, and cousin in law, Heather. We met him after the concert last night. 

199.5 lbs. Oh dear.

Quote

I don't fear being excommunicated,this just resonates with me, especially the highlighted part:

“Now, any day now, the church might decide to dispense with me, and I will say very frankly and very honestly, I don’t see any reason why they shouldn’t. I really don’t. It’s just that simple. And if I were called in for ex… sometimes they say, “What would you do if you were called in to be excommunicated?” Well, I can tell you one thing for sure. I wouldn’t miss the trial like some of my friends have, who don’t bother to go to the trial. I wouldn’t miss it on a bet. Now, I would want a witness there, but not a witness on my behalf. Now if President McKay had shown up, I wouldn’t have objected to anything he said. But I wouldn’t want a witness there on my behalf. But I would want a witness, somebody else who could tell what happened there. I would want somebody to see what happened. But I wouldn’t try to defend myself at all in an excommunication trial. Because I don’t have any defense. I would have to say, “Now look, you are the people who are sort of on trial. You have got to decide whether you want guys like me in the church or not.” And there are good reasons for not having people like me in the church, and there may be, for all I know, there may be some good reasons for having people like me in the church. When I was a young man and started teaching seminary for the church there were liberally minded seminary teachers, you know. And we thought we could make a contribution to the church. We really did. Well, I don’t think that any longer. The church belongs to the true believers who are 100% tithe payers and the general authorities. I used to think the church belongs to all of us. That was back in my youthful idealistic days, you see. I don’t believe that any longer. I seriously don’t believe that any longer. And if they decide to get rid of people like me, which I am well aware would include a lot of people in this audience, I would think they would be perfectly within their rights." -Sterling McMurrin